I Love you But You’ll never know

Three kids, a modest double storey house, a BMW SUV for me and for you, a decent mini bus to take the kids to soccer.

This picture plays like a movie in my head every night before I sleep. It is the story of our perfect little family – Yeah I’ve thought that far, that’s how much I love you. Day and after day, Monday to Friday from behind your seat in English class I imagine our love, our first kiss, your perky brown lips and your silky brown hair…You’re my indian Princess and I’m your African King.

We’re best friends you and I, I always say that but I lie to myself everyday. I want us to be lovers. We text everyday, I always try to sneak a flirt and you always play dumb. You ask me who owns my heart, almost as if you want me to confess your name. But I’m too scared. I’d rather have you as a friend than have you as nothing at all.

See this love is almost forbidden. You’re a beautiful Indian princess and I’m just an awkward black boy who’s lost his mind- or at least that’s what my friends say. But it’s true, in our community I can only imagine how much slander you’d get for being in love with a “blackie”. I know you’re a strong woman but I don’t think you’ll survive this one.

So I’ll continue to watch you, admire you from a distance with nothing but Coldplay to make me feel worse. But I’ll hold on until next year, I’ll be going to varsity and I’ll make sure to get as far away from you as possible…maybe I’ll be able to forget you – I hope I’ll be able to move on.

Then I’ll probably bump into you in the summer. A lot will have changed by then, you’ll probably show me a new engagement ring – maybe for once I might actually not lie when i say, “I’m happy for you”. But until then, I still Love you but You’ll never know.

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Giving Love over Using Love.

“Love makes the world go round”, what a lovely quote with a powerful hint hidden within. Love was never made for any one person to own, instead, Love was intended to be shared freely amongst all mankind.

It’s sad to say that I can only imagine a world where my neighbour’s pain is my pain – my gain is my brother’s gain. A world where the love I received from my parents compels me to empathise with the orphans on the street corners. A world where my enemies burn with shame everytime they see my smile igniting joy on a stranger’s face.

Truth be told, we don’t give love but we are quick to take it. We don’t show mercy to the motorist who cuts us off when we’re rushing to work in the morning, yet we are quick to remind the traffic cop at noon that he should take it easy on us.

Ask yourself how have we got to this place where to Love shows weakness, yet the Authors of old say Love is most powerful. We manipulate the “weak” Who love us and turn “savage” into a trend. We take pride in being miserable and lonely all because it isn’t cool to greet a neighbour anymore.

It all feels to me like a world up-side-down. Nobody finds pleasure in doing good and those who do are made to feel weird for it. A man cannot speak about Love today, I wonder what occupies his heart.

The more I write about Love the more I realise that you can only measure how much love you have by the number of hearts you’ve touched. And much like fighting fire with fire, You can only touch a heart if you give a little of your own first.

Blogging, My new found Love.

Alone I sit in my dark room, it’s about midnight in Johannesburg, South Africa. Okay, so I’ve never been a huge fan of Social media – my last Whatsapp chat ended about an hour ago and I’m not about to go DM some stranger for a cheap conversation about how pretty her hair is on her latest Instagram post.

Instead, I’m checking my Emails. It’s the WordPress notifications telling me that I’ve caught another follower and she’s brought two new likes along with her. She probably doesn’t know it, but her fiddle on that like button has just put a smile on my face – this is the Fiftieth person who doesn’t think I’m talking nonsense 😄

I notice another Email, this one is a bit older but I guess I missed it when I checked ten minutes ago. It’s a comment, “well written” it reads and I might as well jump through the roof…this is awesome. I only started this blog because I talk too much and didn’t want to bother people anymore, but here are a bunch of strangers from all over the World – bothering themselves by reading through my Blog posts…”Wow I love them”.

And now I am addicted – Addicted to the affection and now I just want to write more. I want to pour out my ideas and these thoughts which I once thought were crowding my mind, well now I can finally air them out. I can create a world for my thoughts and they can finally be the star of the show. I’ve always wanted to be the best but way too often I have been the Jack of all trades but master of none. But here, writing, I’m a natural and all I want to do is impress.

But first, let me write this post. I’ll write it now while I’m still beginning. I just want to thank everyone who has taken the time to view my Blog, read my stuff, like my content, Follow and especially those who have left me some feedback…as much as this started as a hobby, it has become a gateway to achieving my dreams. But until then I just want to make all my readers happy to waste a minute or two inside my handwriting. Love you ❤

Mi La Familia.

I chose you not and sometimes I’ve even felt like I could dispose you lot. They say blood is thicker than water and it’s true because even a blood stain is tougher to get rid of.

I grow ever tired of this common sequence of African children growing up without a father. My parents separated when I could still play hide and seek in a shoe box. I actually don’t remember ever seeing my mother and father in the same room at the same time…but pictures don’t lie, so I guess my third birthday was quite special.

So my father didn’t play his role that well, but one thing I can never complain about is having a father figure. My grandfather was rather competent in that role during my elementary years, and my uncles did a fine job leading me up until this point. Also I must give a thumbs-up to my step-dad for the role he played too.

In Africa we have a saying, “It takes a community to raise a child”, and my family surely lived up to this standard. My single mother moved to work abroad to make ends meet and I was left at the mercy of the La Famila. And where many children in similar circumstances usually suffer abuse and neglect, my sister and I were blessed because our family knew what Love is.

Love is when you can take a child into your home, feed him as your own, educate him until he’s grown and confuse his heart so much that he can not feel the void of not having his biological parents around. I thank my aunt and uncle because today, even referring to them with these words feels out of place, honestly I know them as Mom and Baba (Dad) 😂❤

So ask me about Family, I know all about it. It is not about the common last name that we share or the Christmas gatherings at the end of each year. They say Blood is thicker than water – we share the same blood but a true family also shares the same tears. We share not the same sense of humour, but a smile even when it hurts. I Love Mi la Famila 😊

Becoming a Man for my generation.

“When I was a child I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. Now I am a man, I have left my childhood ways behind me.”

Studying Law I learnt that in my country (South Africa) majority is reached at 18 years of age. At this age Contracts become legally binding and any crime committed would be trailed as an adult.

I looked at this and realised that although one does not necessarily always mature with age, one thing that does grow with your age is the consequences of your actions. This means that at 18, you ought to act as you would if you were 35 because the result or punishment would be the same.

In our youthful days we are like young cubs ready to discover the world. We are driven mostly by instinct and hormones. We know nothing about commitment and we desire nothing that sounds like too much responsibility.

When we become Men, we need to learn how to Love so that we may be Fathers, Husbands and leaders for our generarion. We are supposed to set the standards and Take up Honourable Roles to Model.

Love, however, is a responsibility and does not come instinctively. Love alone is not enough to drive a successful relationship. Factors such as patience, trust, sacrifice and faithfulness play a vital role in the story of Love. But without Love, neither of these will be possible because Love compels us to be all of these things for our loved ones.

There are not many “men” left in our world today because most of the “boys” never reach that stage where they are ready to accept all these responsibilities. From the age of 20 every young man should try to reject control from hormones and desires. If we are going to grow into great leaders and fathers, we need to be controlled by Decisions and Will power! We need to be able to decide to do right and remain loyal to our word.

KNOWING YOUR IDENTITY WILL ENABLE YOU TO LOVE

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.”

It is important to know yourself before you can love another. It is important to trust yourself before you can put your trust in someone else’s hands. When you begin to love someone, make sure you are not seeking somebody who is going to make you feel special.

To love love someone means that you are willing to make the other person feel special. You are not supposed to set the standard for the kind of love you should receive in return.

It is much better to love, sit back, and let the other person decide what value they will place on you and the love that you give them. Imagine picking out your own birthday present every year😟…

That is why it’s important to know your Identity so that you don’t run around trying to Love Yourself through another person.

Free Love.

“Be careful the depth in which you love. Because that could be the depth of your heart break”

Is this true? Let’s discuss…

How can I say I truly love a person if I do not give them all of my love? Love is a healer, not a killer.

When you claim to have found a person who you love, you need to be talking about that very special person who makes you feel safe, you have to be speaking about that person that you can finally trust, and you need to be talking about the person who takes your heart away and doesn’t allow you to give him/her your love in installments

What do you think?