A Shoulder…

The older I get – The stronger I need to be – The weaker I am.

“It’s age, it’s fate, it’s growing up”, I tell myself everyday. I need to be an example for the young ones back home – stand tall, “Thats my older brother”, they need to be able to say.

I need to prepare for the harsh world out there, “That’s the new intern, an able Lawyer he’ll be”, They need to be able to say.

But all this is just a bit too much. It all happens so fast, I thought I was in the driving seat but that was a 2003 Toyota with my mom on the passenger seat so I kept it below 60/per hour…

Now I’m in the backseat of 500 Horse-powers and mom is nowhere in sight, I left her for my future. I’m being tossed from side to side because I can’t make a decision…I’ve lost control and I’m running out of fuel.

When I was younger you walked into my room and asked me what was wrong. There wasn’t much I could complain about so I rarely did. You laid such a good foundation so we only looked forward to moving up.

Don’t get me wrong I’m still looking forward. But I don’t have my own foundation yet I need to move out. So yes I’m sinking – or maybe I’m being blown by the wind, getting lost and seeing things I should never look at.

Okay so I set some standards for myself and I’m aiming high, I ask God to stay by me and I know he’s faithful. I’ll inherit this Kingdom with Jesus, but first I must endure the struggles.

And it’s his love that gets me wishing…wishing I had your shoulder to cry on because I lost myself, I’m crawling back and will be walking soon but I wish I could run back home and let you know that I’ve made some mistakes, learnt some lessons…

but I’m a big boy now – I guess I’ll just have to get Older – get Stronger and miss the Weaker me because, “I have overcome and succeeded” – I need to be able to say.

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First Place

“Are you an Athlete? Because Darling you’ve been running up and down in my head all day long.”

This morning I stayed an extra minute in bed reminiscing about the winter, thinking about the nights we stayed warm by the fire that burned much like my young heart burns for yours. It was a time when all I needed was your smile to ignite endless thoughts about everything we could yet become.

At noon I got lost in wander, daydreaming about our future – we kept our promise to love each other forever to set an example for our children and our peers, an example that True love never dies. As pentioners we spend the sun on our porch by the sea-side until the moon comes around to lead us quietly into peaceful slumber.

In the evening…well here I am writing this post about you.

It’s so sad that there is no such thing as the “Girlfriend olympics” because I know you’d be a shoe in to win the Gold my love…they probably know that and maybe that’s why they don’t have them. But you’re in a league of your own – they would have to create a Platinum medal for you my sweetheart.

Ahhh but some might confuse Platinum for silver…

Which actually gets me thinking. Maybe that is why a man buys his Wife a Diamond Ring when they get married. Maybe it’s his way of letting her know that she has won the race to his heart.

If that’s the case then you my love deserve the brightest Diamond on this Earth. You haven’t just won the race to my heart – you saved my heart from the track to darkness.

I used to run the race of death and I was winning. You came and you taught me how to Love. Each day we spend in this Love is a learning experience on how to care for another person more than we do for ourselves. You challenge me to be a better person with every passing conversation and encourage me to actually trust less in my pride and more in loyalty and faithfulness. Today I am able to Blog about the Love I know and it’s all thanks to everything I’ve learnt from you…I write quite an inspired thesis online but it’s you who suffers when my trials turn to error…

With that being said, I should probably admit that you never actually had any competition to my heart… I’ll still get you your Diamond Medal one day though. But until then, you should probably get some rest from all this running – I hope you kept my heart somewhere safe.

*Dedicated*

I Love you But You’ll never know

Three kids, a modest double storey house, a BMW SUV for me and for you, a decent mini bus to take the kids to soccer.

This picture plays like a movie in my head every night before I sleep. It is the story of our perfect little family – Yeah I’ve thought that far, that’s how much I love you. Day and after day, Monday to Friday from behind your seat in English class I imagine our love, our first kiss, your perky brown lips and your silky brown hair…You’re my indian Princess and I’m your African King.

We’re best friends you and I, I always say that but I lie to myself everyday. I want us to be lovers. We text everyday, I always try to sneak a flirt and you always play dumb. You ask me who owns my heart, almost as if you want me to confess your name. But I’m too scared. I’d rather have you as a friend than have you as nothing at all.

See this love is almost forbidden. You’re a beautiful Indian princess and I’m just an awkward black boy who’s lost his mind- or at least that’s what my friends say. But it’s true, in our community I can only imagine how much slander you’d get for being in love with a “blackie”. I know you’re a strong woman but I don’t think you’ll survive this one.

So I’ll continue to watch you, admire you from a distance with nothing but Coldplay to make me feel worse. But I’ll hold on until next year, I’ll be going to varsity and I’ll make sure to get as far away from you as possible…maybe I’ll be able to forget you – I hope I’ll be able to move on.

Then I’ll probably bump into you in the summer. A lot will have changed by then, you’ll probably show me a new engagement ring – maybe for once I might actually not lie when i say, “I’m happy for you”. But until then, I still Love you but You’ll never know.

Giving Love over Using Love.

“Love makes the world go round”, what a lovely quote with a powerful hint hidden within. Love was never made for any one person to own, instead, Love was intended to be shared freely amongst all mankind.

It’s sad to say that I can only imagine a world where my neighbour’s pain is my pain – my gain is my brother’s gain. A world where the love I received from my parents compels me to empathise with the orphans on the street corners. A world where my enemies burn with shame everytime they see my smile igniting joy on a stranger’s face.

Truth be told, we don’t give love but we are quick to take it. We don’t show mercy to the motorist who cuts us off when we’re rushing to work in the morning, yet we are quick to remind the traffic cop at noon that he should take it easy on us.

Ask yourself how have we got to this place where to Love shows weakness, yet the Authors of old say Love is most powerful. We manipulate the “weak” Who love us and turn “savage” into a trend. We take pride in being miserable and lonely all because it isn’t cool to greet a neighbour anymore.

It all feels to me like a world up-side-down. Nobody finds pleasure in doing good and those who do are made to feel weird for it. A man cannot speak about Love today, I wonder what occupies his heart.

The more I write about Love the more I realise that you can only measure how much love you have by the number of hearts you’ve touched. And much like fighting fire with fire, You can only touch a heart if you give a little of your own first.

Blogging, My new found Love.

Alone I sit in my dark room, it’s about midnight in Johannesburg, South Africa. Okay, so I’ve never been a huge fan of Social media – my last Whatsapp chat ended about an hour ago and I’m not about to go DM some stranger for a cheap conversation about how pretty her hair is on her latest Instagram post.

Instead, I’m checking my Emails. It’s the WordPress notifications telling me that I’ve caught another follower and she’s brought two new likes along with her. She probably doesn’t know it, but her fiddle on that like button has just put a smile on my face – this is the Fiftieth person who doesn’t think I’m talking nonsense

I notice another Email, this one is a bit older but I guess I missed it when I checked ten minutes ago. It’s a comment, “well written” it reads and I might as well jump through the roof…this is awesome. I only started this blog because I talk too much and didn’t want to bother people anymore, but here are a bunch of strangers from all over the World – bothering themselves by reading through my Blog posts…”Wow I love them”.

And now I am addicted – Addicted to the affection and now I just want to write more. I want to pour out my ideas and these thoughts which I once thought were crowding my mind, well now I can finally air them out. I can create a world for my thoughts and they can finally be the star of the show. I’ve always wanted to be the best but way too often I have been the Jack of all trades but master of none. But here, writing, I’m a natural and all I want to do is impress.

But first, let me write this post. I’ll write it now while I’m still beginning. I just want to thank everyone who has taken the time to view my Blog, read my stuff, like my content, Follow and especially those who have left me some feedback…as much as this started as a hobby, it has become a gateway to achieving my dreams. But until then I just want to make all my readers happy to waste a minute or two inside my handwriting. Love you ❤

Mi La Familia.

I chose you not and sometimes I’ve even felt like I could dispose you lot. They say blood is thicker than water and it’s true because even a blood stain is tougher to get rid of.

I grow ever tired of this common sequence of African children growing up without a father. My parents separated when I could still play hide and seek in a shoe box. I actually don’t remember ever seeing my mother and father in the same room at the same time…but pictures don’t lie, so I guess my third birthday was quite special.

So my father didn’t play his role that well, but one thing I can never complain about is having a father figure. My grandfather was rather competent in that role during my elementary years, and my uncles did a fine job leading me up until this point. Also I must give credit to my step-dad for the awesome role he played too.

In Africa we have a saying, “It takes a community to raise a child”, and my family surely lived up to this standard. My single mother moved to work abroad to make ends meet and I was left at the mercy of the La Famila. And where many children in similar circumstances usually suffer abuse and neglect, my sister and I were blessed because our family knew what Love is.

Love is when you can take a child into your home, feed him as your own, educate him until he’s grown and confuse his heart so much that he can not feel the void of not having his biological parents around. I thank my aunt and uncle because today, even referring to them with these words feels out of place, honestly I know them as Mom and Baba (Dad) 😂❤

So ask me about Family, I know all about it. It is not about the common last name that we share or the Christmas gatherings at the end of each year. They say Blood is thicker than water – we share the same blood but a true family also shares the same tears. We share not the same sense of humour, but a smile even when it hurts. I Love Mi la Famila 😊