Catch your heartbeat

I’m trying to write something to catch your heartbeat but you prefer crude lines on a trap beat.

What could I say to remind you of the time when you used to believe in love? Which cords in your heart do I need to tap into to get you feeling again?

Can I be honest? It hurts me that you’re a savage and you’re so good at it. You used to believe in fairytales and maybe that’s where it went wrong…when you grew older and realised that you weren’t the only girl who wore a size five, then Prince Charming stopped looking and went to the Club instead.

I wish there wasn’t such great distance between us – you’ll tell me you’re next door but that’s nothing compared to where you really see yourself – lost in a metropolis, missing the turn, caught in the crowd but you’re afraid to cry for help because tears ruin your make up.

Oh sister you lost your spirit when you stopped trusting in God don’t lose your soul too…that’s all we ever had in Africa – For every dollar that we didn’t have we had one another and another had the one.

Look at your history, dreamers and believers who lost theirs so that you can have yours. Your parents were there when the gates opened for us and they built their house for you, paid their taxes so that you no longer walk the gravel and it pains me to see you forgetting, or maybe just not caring while allowing the good times to get the better of you.

Wait, what good times? It’s just sad times – so much blood shed so that you can own your body then you went and sold it for a bottle of Henny. Victoria’s Secrets to reveal your prized assets, they’re calling you dumb and you’re nodding

But I’m trying to catch your heartbeat because Oh woman – you with such connection to the mystical – your body chosen to carry life from the Heavens to the Earth, your children are crying out. Your sons need to respect you…you need to take up your Queen status and sit up your Throne.

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Worry.

“There’s such a fine line between the things you want and the thing that you get.”

Why are you so worried? Don’t you realise that the world and it’s fibers are just as loose as your problems?

Imagine an ant on a full piece of paper. The paper being a two-dimensional shape. The ant is born on the left end of the page and it begins to walk horizontally across the Length of the paper which will take him thirty seconds to cross completely.

After walking for five seconds, the ant has gained five seconds worth of knowledge about its world…let us imagine those five seconds amount to five years in an ant’s life.

It then takes the ant another ten seconds to reach the half way point of the paper and that ant has then acquired half of the knowledge it will ever know about the world. Let us then assume that you have your finger at the other end of the page and upon the ant reaching this point you plan on squashing him to his death…which would then mean that this ant will live thirty years of his life.

The ant finally completes the long walk across the page, proud that he lived his life wisely and did not wander off this path. He never had to work a day in his life and didn’t have to experience any heartbreaks or failures…he is now ready to die in peace at the mature age of thirty.

When the ant arrives at the end of his life, you suddenly become an animal Rights activist and “Ants’ lives matter too”. You then decide not to end the ant’s life and you then fold the paper into a three-dimensional cylinder shape. Your manipulation of the ant’s world suddenly brings him to a dilemma because when he then walks further on the paper with no ends – he finds himself once again on the left side of the paper, where his life began.

The ant is now totally baffled and now the clean life he lived is at risk of ruin due to the temptations of the smell of sugar from the ice-cream that your younger brother has now walked into the room with…

Where am I getting to with this? Well God is the creator of this world. He exists outside of time and has placed us in a three-dimensional world and everything we understand about life can only be measured by three-dimensional standards

This is where the concept of “Faith in the Creator” comes to play. Having faith that God can take control of your destiny can get you supernaturally, or foolishly (by the standards of scientists) on the better side of life…all missed opportunities can suddenly come back to you…it’s all through his grace.

So are you still worried? Ask the birds why they don’t have a storage for tomorrow…

The Story of a Bus Stop

Saturday morning and I’ve overslept. This leaves me with little over half an hour to get myself together, I promised that I wouldn’t miss Lisa’s little-league soccer game “for anything in the world” , for hers and my sake – let it not be missed because of Sleep!

So I get up and it’s decision time. I come to the conclusion that something is going to have to be sacrificed – Is it going to be a shower or breakfast? Well I did shower last night…so I’ll have my bacon and eggs.

I race up to the Bus Stop and it seems I’ve made it on time. So there’s this young lady sitting on the other end of the bench, she’s got on a red summer dress with yellow and purple flowers on it – what a pathetic description, but I don’t know flowers that well you see. She’s also got on a yellow head band, and she vibes just like a summer breeze on a lazy Saturday morning.

Anyways, “hello” as I wave in her direction. She lifts her head slower than frozen time and with a smile and no words she waves back. Okay, “why did she do that ?” I start to wonder as I slowly fall into my over thinking daydream.

The worst part about my over thinking is that I also believe that she is also over thinking, maybe she thinks I look good, maybe I’m her type, or maybe she’s expecting me to come closer to her and compliment her puffy sandals. Or maybe she’s not, maybe she’s thinking about her tall and muscular Boyfriend, he probably has some cool tattoos and a car – she’s probably waiting for him right now.

All this thinking and the Bench no longer holds two people. Between me and this beauty there now sits an entity made from a mixture of Fear and my Love for her. Yep that’s how quickly I fall in love – So you can imagine how many heartbreaks I’ve had, which should explain my fear…or maybe I’m just using that as an excuse for my lameness when it comes to making girls think I could be anything more than a friend.

So the bus comes around, she gets on and my theory about her boyfriend has already been proven false. I follow her on the bus, and it’s decision time again – do I sit next to her or not – let’s just say I found myself sitting some rows behind her regretting why I didn’t suck up my loser-tendencies and sit next to her. I could have been talking to her by now, could have made her laugh and she might have confessed that she likes me too…aaand I’m over thinking again.

The bus came up to my stop and she was getting off as well. I decided it’s time to man up and make my move. She walked up towards the soccer grounds and I followed, but I’ve got much longer legs than her so I couldn’t maintain my walk behind her even if I tried. I came closer to her and this was my chance, in my head I’m trying to bring all my pick up lines together for this big moment (not that any of them have ever worked) – it was almost time for action then she jumped on me, I wasn’t in it so I lost my balance and fell to the ground, “You kept your promise, I can’t wait for you to see me score” , Lisa said as she pressed me with a huge kiss on my cheek.

“I wouldn’t miss your game for anything in the world” , I replied.

I dreamt about you

I dreamt about you last night, I don’t know where it came from but it reminded me that true Friendship is more powerful than distance and time.

It’s been a decade since we bid our farewells on our last day of high school. You and I refused to admit that it could be Goodbye, so we agreed on “Until I see you again”. How young and foolish of us to think we could get the better end of time’s harsh stick of reality.

Anyways, I saw you in this dream and you finally had it all under control. You made it out of college and your career was waiting for you on your porch and you’ve been alright ever since.

You fulfilled your promises and got your mother that house on the countryside where she can grow her daisies and tomatoes…she sells them in a street corner in their quiet retirement town every Thursday as an excuse to get her nose into everybody’s affairs. Your dad is even more stubborn than he was in those stories you used to tell me in English class. He refuses help from the local boys when he loads the stock into the Ford you finally bought for him, but it wouldn’t be wise for me to undermine a man with such gray hairs sticking proudly out of his shinny scalp.

I assume you are now finally over Quinton, he put you through so much and almost had you giving up on Love. You have those perfect twins just like your favourite singer Beyonce and I’m actually glad your husband found you because now maybe the rest of us guys have a chance with the ladies. You guys seem genuinely good for each other. You rescued him from alcoholic habits and he saved you from yourself. Yep I definitely think you’re over Quinton.

I remember your head was just as messy as mine, but now you’ve got your head thinking straight. You can actually concentrate now – there’s no more little flower and heart drawings on every page corner in your book and no you did not end up creating your own comic book…and your emails did not convince cartoon network to bring back “the good old-school cartoons like FlapJack and Chowder. And now I wonder if you really wanted the cartoons or if you were just hungry.

We did bump into each other the other morning at Starbucks though. You ran up to me like nothing’s changed and you gave me a hug I can carry into next week. I struggled to hold a decent conversation, cheap ques about how your life has been were all I could afford…but the smile on your face brought back no change and I had no choice but to let you run off to collect your beloved “fresh muffins and coffee for breakfast”.

There’s a lot I should have asked you for old time’s sake, but it wasn’t a dream about me…so you continued on as you made life seem so easy and I guess your faith in God paid off. You always worried about how you would survive in a world where everyone else made you feel bad for refusing to go out on Friday nights, I hope you’re now realising that you did well to stand out – even if it cost you many lonely nights.

I however don’t know what happened to my life. I tried to live right but I was always in inner-battle between a heart that seeks God and a Mind that had been corrupted by the world…ah and look now I’m back to talking about myself – that’s always been the case – that’s the lack of self-control I’ve always suffered from and the need to always be heard which I now believe is a disguised cry-out for help in the hopes that somebody who has been through the same thing can just reach out and guide me, bring me in from the cold and tame this beastly brain…

Ah see now I’m losing focus once again. So let me stop myself because this wasn’t about me, this was about you. I dreamt about you.

Reason

“Life is a Journey to be experienced, not a Problem to be solved”… Sounds easy and quite delightful, but a good Journeyman should remember that it helps to have a destination. Still if you don’t – I’m pretty sure nobody wants to end in a deadend with nothing to show for the Journey.

Popular Pop-Star Katy Perry admitted it once in a song, “I stood for nothing so I fell for everything”. In this Journey called Life there’s sometimes roads that go high and low, you can also expect wet and slippery terrains when it rains – what I’m trying to say is just Prepare to go slow in the snow… expect it all because which ever route you choose, you are the one who will clean the mud from under the boots.

Everybody has a dream. A dream to travel around the world, a dream to travel out of the world and according to cartoons, some even have the dream to destroy the world.

It doesn’t matter what the dream is, if you really want to make it happen then you are going to need to take control of your Journey. Too many of us allow life and circumstance to dictate where we end up…and all we have to show for it are reasons pronounced mostly in a drunken state at family gatherings about why our dreams were never born – it’s mostly because living young, wild and free wasn’t so free no more once that diaper isle became your reality.

It’s not that surprising though. In this capitalistic world-wide jungle run by politics… where politicians play role model and empty promises are job descriptions- I actually found (in my imagination) that the word “reason” no longer exists on this earth. Instead, an identity thief has been running around in reason’s body tormenting hopes and simply holding us back from our potential…his true name is Excuses.

Excuses are a result of a lack of faith and hard work. A life lived without direction is bound to spiral out of control. It’s bound to be a life of explanations and Excuses.

But still in my pursuit to give my life some direction – I spend countless hours thinking up ways to better my situation. Thinking to myself “Maybe I should find a magazine to publish my writing” (Am I even good enough?)…But that period in faith doesn’t last forever and if delayed, it quickly turns into fear and that is where the battle for Dreams gets lost.

So then I find myself in a dilemma. Wisdom or Foolishness? Whether or not I choose a life of direction, I still find myself in a constant tangle. I’m wondering if I should take it easy, put on my sandals and avoid getting tied up in some sweaty running shoes…

Maybe that’s where I went wrong, I’m trying too hard to understand my choices, when maybe I should just believe in my decisions and not fear failure so much.