Oh my Word

Then Sandra said, I feel like I can’t say half the stuff I’m meant to. How could I when people get so offended so quickly?

I’ve got problems that I cannot even deal with because I have to keep them in. It’s too dangerous out here, everybody got their own beliefs these days. You can’t even cut the leafs without hurting someone’s god.

Stacey had a heart of gold and it grew onto her like a hard earned reputation, she said: oh my word, what have I done? Turned into little miss perfect and now I’m stuck in a pot at the end of the rainbow as a symbol for better days.

And I said, what’s with all the commotion? It sounds like revolution, it feels like condemnation just doesn’t do it no more, it’s kinda boring keeping score. I commit so much literary murders, my sins refuse to desist. I’m power hungry only from fear of weakness, or so I say to myself to relax the guilt from everything I’ve built that’s corrupted the self, the nation and dreams. I always hear their screams and taste their tears and see a long face for everyday in such a short life. I talk too much to myself but never say too much, unless it’s something to do with mischief, then I breathe a sigh of relief and cloud up my perceptions and keep no receptions.

Then you said, oh my word, you say a whole lot of nothing with a pinch of some good something. I’m lost in the beauty of meaningless art at the expense of a pure heart that’s been dragged through the dirt. I feel your pain, that’s what you said. You always say the right things and understand all my words like they were meant for your ears, and your mind to decipher.

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Where is Home?

“They say home is where the heart is, but my heart is wild and free. So am I homeless or just heartless?” – beautifully written in the lyrics of the song Home by English singer, Passenger.

For months these words have baffled my mind every time I sing along to the beautiful song, or even when they just pop up in my mind in the form of a question, joining the rest of my other restless thoughts which I have no answers to.

And just now I stumble upon this written piece by Nelson Mandela, it’s probably one that many people miss or simply choose to ignore. In his UNPUBLISHED autobiographical manuscript written in prison, Mandela wrote, “I regarded the township (Alexandra) as a home in which I had no specific house, and Orlando, where my wife and children still live, as a place where I had a house but no home.” – I read this in the book, NELSON MANDELA: conversations with myself.

The question of home is one that is constantly being banged onto me. After meeting somebody for the first time, or when you finally begin to get acquainted with someone you’ve known from afar, the question is commonly asked as a form of ice-breaker, or even cheap talk, with the questioner expecting an easy answer that can be brushed quickly under the memory’s carpet.

But I find the answer quite difficult. I am writing this from the home that is provided for me by my parents, together with them I share it with my little brother, our friendly helper, and occasionally my older sister who returns home in two year intervals from Cuba where she studies.

I myself also spend limited time in this home. I study in a province on the other side of the country and only return for a combined three months of vacation time throughout the year. The tricky part is that when we moved to this home, I was in my final year of high school in the South of Johannesburg… We now live in the East. I completed that school year living with my aunt and uncle who’s home was closer to my school.

All my childhood friends remained that side and between us lies an hour of multiple public transport rides and all the costs that come along with it. I never got the opportunity to roam these streets as a youngster, so I have no friends nearby to help me settle in.

And what about my school? I’m a full-time student in a province 6 hours away from home. My daily doings, my trusted bed, hobbies and habits… I have stapled them all over there. I know I was only meant to Learn and move on, but I’ve adjusted. That life that side is much slower and I prefer that pace. I arrived there as teen, and started maturing into this.

Some personal evaluation has revealed a restless heart. Quickly caught in illusion, and in a snap I’m disillusioned. Everything that I do always feels like a “phase”. I’m wondering if it’s a sign of a shallow foundation – I never dig deep enough or order too many bricks. Never learnt to put all my eggs in one basket, so I always run short even though I have enough. The Jack of all trades but master of none.

Where is Home? Is it where I sleep or where I dream? Is it the place I pay for or where mama keeps it free? Is it where I came from, where I am or where I’m going? I need answers for home because I need a place to store my hope, I need the grace that comes with being firmly rooted, where my pathway is always routed, a place where my family tree can be rooted.

South African summer Vacation!

It’s summer time down here in South Africa. Maybe I’m a little too late with this post, but pehaps now you can plan a trip for next year.

We love our December, we go all in Ballin and whatever. If you are one to look for peace and space, this is not your place. We pick up the pace, and race throw the heat with some ice cold drinks in the cooler.

What could be cooler? Everybody fill your pool up coz we about to splash! Some young boys are about to smash, we spent all year working hard and saving up the cash.

But be warned. You’re gonna have to be careful on our roads, I’ve seen horrific accidents up to the bucket load. But hey, what’s life without a little risk? Get yourself down here and make sure you give me a call, we about to have a ball… Some footy, volley, we can do it all with your brand new beach ball.

Bikinis out, we’ve also got the summer bodies, yes all the hottest hotties, these mummies live for the noise so please don’t call up the police.

But no reason to worry, they definitely won’t show up in a hurry, they’ll be all over the roads looking to make some money.

Oops, I spent too much time on the internet, it’s time to get back to the party! As for you, I think it’s time to change your plane ticket, come down here quick before accommodation runs out. We’ve got Durban with the warm Indian Ocean, Cape Town is the best place for you snow bunnies – I’m talking about whoever is afraid of too much heat, because these currents come straight from Antarctica. And for the city Boys who love the night life, the fast lane and popping champagne, I suggest you come over to my home city, Joburg, the gold city – we’ve got it all right here so don’t let me hear nobody asking about anywhere else.

Self Oppression

How many times did you wish you were just a little more confident? Qualified? Experienced? Loveable? Beautiful?

Has anybody done it?

At 22 I stand firm as a product of the Era of the Television. That is the time just before the current state of Internet-dominence. The age of the couch potato and the Glory Days of Hollywood and all her by-products.

One of the most famous themes that prevailed in this time was the dream of a young person who was in a rigid cycle of life, filled with too many undesirable features and the feeling of suppression, she decides that it’s time to live life by her own terms. Let’s now address her as our hero, but she can also be a dude…you know, male.

So our hero finds it fitting to escape her current world, I wonder if any of the movie and song writers would be able to answer as to where these Characters got so much courage. But yeah, as Carly Rae Jepsen sings, “Run away with me” – that is the motto. Find somebody you love, somebody to share the good times, the bad, and the desperate… We will go through it together, maybe because I’d be too scared to do it alone, but it would also be so much more beautiful that way hey?

Even today, it’s run over into the internet age because I’m pretty sure I heard similar lyrics on a song I heard on YouTube. My friend suggested it for me, I wonder if she is like me and actually pays attention to the words that are being spoken. I wonder if she would also be willing to run away from it all. Well probably not with me, but maybe if I actually do it, she would follow suite and have me as an example. Yes, approval. That’s one of the other themes of our age, and I’m no different, I need it just as much as I need that selfie whenever I’m at the beach.

But honestly speaking, has anybody ever done it? That is, run away from a secure life, that job and the responsibilities that quickly follow just on time to keep you trapped in the system, you’re never gonna get out!

Well I would like you to know that I am going to actually take that step. I am going to find out for the rest of us if it is actually possible. I am going to suffer the embarrassment on your behalf, make it a little easier for anybody else that may feel the same way at a latter stage. I don’t need much from the world, just wish me luck, wish my fate upon me, let me be and be and be.

It can happen to me?

I just don’t think anybody could be this wrong and still think it’s so right. Surely there has to be something there that can be real? Surely if I hold on it will eventually reveal?

But wow, it’s actually me whom the tables have turned against. I guess you can only make Art out of it for so long until it overpowers your Heart, until you have to play the part, giving up a life of reason to follow your gut.

But how? Did we swear to our promises too soon? Is it God or karma, or whatever it is out there that’s such a sucker for drama. That made me a dreamer, got me on the roller-coaster of life and damn I’m a screamer, I’m having a good time, scared, hopeful and pushing adrenaline so that when I die and they ask me what I took from life, I’ll show them more than a handful.

But I’m going out to see the sun, hopefully fear will see me coming and run. I hate always being reminded that this thing called life ain’t fun, as if I haven’t already been burned by that flame. It’s such a shame, so much beauty and mystery left untouched, it’s actually so beautiful that such a life is as pure as the morning dew giving life to the ignored blades of the grass and all her dependents… Could it be that I too am as precious as the morning dew? Only to be enjoyed by the willing few? Of course it would be better if the world knew, but the world is often blinded to anything true.

Make some time to Mourn.

Controversy follows me like Fall after Summer. My tongue runs out of Truth and all I’m left with are yesterday’s Lies looking for back up in today’s battles.

When we were younger it was nothing but protocol to drink some fake alcohol, pretending to be drunk as we wobbled our way onto the floor with jeers and laughs, it was all in good cheer.

Now it’s protocol, pretending to laugh while we wobble towards the alcohol in the cabinet, or maybe the refrigerator, or possibly my desk where I had a few sips for inspiration when last night I had the urge to call up some friends and forget about the missus, thinking, one last time and I swear I won’t miss this.

Oh now Thomas has got a new mistress and we’re gonna have to keep the secret from Betty, what a pity – but remember that one time she was being super petty, wouldn’t let us use the computer as if her last name was Qwerty.

Well what goes around comes around, I hope I can convince myself that I made the right choice when considering everything that I could lose, your love was never an option. I mean your love was ever on auction, I simply tried to take action, almost followed my passion but they told me I’d lose my pension… Oh what a lesson, I hope my children will pay attention when I warn them that before daylight there is dawn, which comes after the darkness of the night when each of us has to make some time just to mourn all the dreams that we didn’t close our eyes to see, all the lips we didn’t move in to kiss and all the ignorance that made life so bliss.

Beyond

The Possibilities Beyond the Obvious are Oblivious to the Envious

Leave The President Alone

But I am a man with so much to offer, yet I find myself with no takers in a world that does not know what it wants I had to convince everyone that I was enough and that was when I lost myself in a space of never ending possibilities I could not commit myself to anything.

I stopped believing that I was being oppressed. I stopped complaining that the President and his officials had failed me, because it was you who voted him into office. He staked his promise in a speech much similar to this one, you believed him and now he’s doing what he believes has to be done in order to leave his very own footprint. The country is his paper and he is the artist, if he sees it only able to benefit a few, the minority, the 1 percent, or even himself and his household alone, I say let him be. Let the people struggle until your society starts to actually believe in selflessness and produces a child who will sacrifice himself and his future for the benefit of the many.

And what about that white boy my age who inherited his father’s business and employed all his mates into top managerial posts? I say let him do what he wants with what is his own. Let the mother raise her children the way she sees fit because it was her alone who carried them for nine months in the womb. You didn’t feel her pain then, so do not come as if you have anything to gain.

Jean-Paul Sartre aimed to show that a person first exists without purpose or definition, then finds himself or herself in the world and, as a reaction to experience, defines the meaning of life. If you have understood anything I’ve said until this point, you may find it quite controversial to say that people should leave things as they are. You may understand my point with regard to a person’s personal and private choices, but maybe the assertion on leaving the President or government officials to their doings may not sit as easily.

However, the focus here is that Identity is not something that a person is born with. It is something that a person is born into. Your family, society and experiences define this thing that you call yourself, your Identity. In a society where only evil exists, every child will grow up to do evil – not with an evil heart, but out of only knowing evil. It is not until that child sees an outside community that does good that he will be given a new choice to choose whether to continue with evil or to start doing good.

So when you find your President or neighbour doing something that you find undesirable, I suggest that you look at yourself and your community. Have you people laid a platform for that person to see going good as the best option? You know talk is cheap, and with that being said, I totally understand the state of my bank account. But we are living in an age now, more than ever, where Identity is something that people are struggling to accept or understand…That is why you find so many struggles with mental health.

The balance between “What I have to do” – “What I want to do” – “What I am doing” has to be considered in this modern age where many people are quick to claim a certain belief, but when push comes to shove, they do something from the complete opposite. Consider the millions of people who claim to be of the Christian Faith today. The Bible, which is supposed to be their manual to life, has Jesus Christ saying, “if you want to be my follower, you must Die To Self, carry your cross and follow me”… Matthew 16:24-26

There is no place for personal ambition in Christianity, “if we are to inherit with Christ, then we must suffer with him too”…Romans 8:17

“For we are soldiers and soldiers do not get entangled in the affairs of civilians”…2 Timothy 2:4

So if you say you are of this Christian Faith, you should then be the last person to complain about a corrupt government and be quick to get into prayer, as your commander would instruct you to. If these principles are key to Christian living, then the people should behave this way and you would see your children growing freely into this Identity and less problems for you, and more solutions for your community.

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Author’s Note

This was not a post about Christians as you may find it, however, I have used the little that I know from this community of people to show how identity works. If you know any other examples, PLEASE share in the comments section. If you have something to dispute, Feel Super Free to Do so. If Offence was passed your way, do so too…Thank you for Reading.

Be a Man with Sauce (charisma)

I’ve been waiting a long time to write a post on this matter, “Sauce”. It is a modern slang term popular in African-American hip-Hop culture and has been used by famous artists such as Beyonce, in her Lemonade album, The song Formation features the lyrics; “I’ve got hot sauce in my bag, swag”.

The sauce, when translated into modern English, is Charisma. A person with charisma displays a compelling attractiveness, confidence or charm that can inspire devotion in others. When asked if it is hard to be fresh when you don’t have money, Gucci mane responded, “when I had no money, I still had Sauce…If you ain’t got no Sauce then you’re lost.”

In today’s age, young men who have grown up with their eyes fixed to the TV, watching Hollywood Blockbusters and the coolest Music videos, come out into the world with a desire to live a life in the spotlight. Having looked at half-naked beautiful women throughout their childhood, the latter years of adolescence and the early parts of young adulthood are quickly devoted to finally achieving the dreams of of being relevant in urban society, getting significant social media following and having as many beautiful women in their corner as possible.

However, upon walking out into the world, the young man quickly realises that he was not alone in this dream. There are many others just like him chasing the same goals. Some even seem to already have done something right because at every party, every weekend, they show up with a different group of girls – driving in fancy cars and somehow affording the most expensive alcohol that brings them even more attention and fame. Yes, some guys do enter this scene blessed with a little more money, a daddy-given car and clothing brands that make them look cool and it may help them to achieve these goals – but only if one knows how to use his privileged start-up package.

But when I was once talking through this matter with one of the guys at my university campus, I said to him; “remember that Money buys the Food…but Sauce makes it Taste good.” And it is true. I am quite embarrassed to reveal it here, but in my first year at university, I also went out there with the same hopes. I don’t want to get into the details right now, but I managed to rack up a good experience using nothing but my Sauce.

Mind over Matter

It’s all Mind over Matter. I totally believe that you are what you think you are. If you think you are a twelve year old in a thirty year old body, you will act like it and the outside world will see you that way and respond to you in that fashion. So too with charisma. You need to love yourself, you need to be your biggest fan, and you’d do every good to make sure to focus less on the negatives in your life, and more on the positives. And guess what, if you do not have any positives, you need to make them up and fake it, till you make it!

In May 1984, Donald Trump picked up his phone and turned himself into his alter-ego, John Barron. As John baron, Donald Trump called a journalist at Forbes named Jonathan Greenberg. John Barron was supposedly an official of the trump organisation and he told Mr Greenberg that most of the businesses and properties that Donald Trump had shared ownership with his father, Fred Trump, had now been consolidated to the possession of Mr Donald Trump. As a result of this, Donald Trump eventually made it on the Forbes list of the 400 most richest people in America. Consequently, as a feature on this Forbes list, investors, banks and creditors put more trust in Donald Trump and his riches and from there he was able to eventually accumulate his own wealth and look where he is today…

Now that’s Charisma! – Mind over Matter! – Sauce!

Don’t Get Lost in the Sauce

Now back to Gucci Mane. He went on to say, “If you ain’t got no Sauce then you’re lost…But you can also get lost in the Sauce!”

It’s true, If you don’t have money and you want money, you have to go and make the money and you must know how to make the money. The same goes for making friends and getting respected in your social life, in the workplace, and in your household. Without something as free as charisma, then you really cannot be helped. You will constantly feel inferior around people who grab the attention, you may even be reduced to that person whom the ladies feel pity for – and trust me you do not want that.

Body language, posture, tone and the aura that comes out of your presence are all important elements of the Sauce. the most charismatic people are said to be dripping of Sauce! These people, when they enter the room, their presence does the work for them. You feel like it is important for you to have a conversation with them. everything they say sounds right and fitting for whatever moment or situation they’re in.

A Charismatic person seems like they were born to lead. An army of Lions led by a sheep is inferior to an Army of sheep led by a Lion! …A charismatic person makes all his friends and people in his group feel and appear to also be confident and authoritative. That is why people are attracted to this person like nails to a Magnet!

However, it is possible to overdose on Sauce. Beware because you can get lost in the Sauce. You can get lost in the Sauce by becoming too arrogant and bossy. You may even fall victim to people that are known as “Meat”. The Meat are the people who give you a false confidence with the aim of hopefully getting you to get lost in the feeling of power, of being wanted, being loved – so much so that you may start to feel the need to keep up with the hype, you might overspend on any given occasion, or even pick a fight with someone or something (drugs) that you cannot handle.

But also beware of getting lost in the Sauce in the sense of you beginning to become complacent, thinking that you have done enough. When one goes on a journey to discover one’s self, getting to know and apply some Sauce, you may lose authenticity, becoming unnatural and fake – and trust me, people will be quick to spot this and getting caught in a lie about your identity is much worse than being lame and boring.

How does one Acquire the Sauce?

when asked whether one can be born with the Sauce, Gucci Mane replied “Nooo you can’t be born with Sauce…How are you gonna get born with Seasoning? I had to acquire the Sauce”

And that gives hope to each of us. We can acquire the Sauce. It is a Seasoning, that gets rubbed onto you by the things that you have seen, the obstacles that you have conquered and the times when you fell, or slipped and had to get up with dirt on your hands and on your reputation…that is the Sauce, that is what makes your life taste good! That is the stuff that I want to learn from you, these are the regrets that I choose to turn into a backrest…Pick myself up, and give life a little taste of the lemonade that I have made with the Lemons that she gave me.

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  Author’s Note

Thank you for reading up till this far. I really love this topic because I get to show a little bit of how I see the world in our current age. Remember that the television and Internet are the new playgrounds for today’s youth – which is tomorrow’s Parents and leaders. I’d love this Blog to offer this element to anyone interested in an inside-scoop to the Millennial mindset, PLEASE share any views in the comment section.