I had to ask myself and I’m yet still going to have to ask myself.
That’s the way I see it, you have to make use of whatever you have been through to help you through whatever might come ahead.
Otherwise, you’ve gone through that for no reason more than history’s sake, aging stages, and footprints in the dust.
I had to ask myself, “do I want to be happy, or sad for whatever reason?”
Had to ask myself how exactly I would I like strangers to describe me and how they felt after encountering me.
I could make them feel the sadness around me from whatever has hurt me. Or they could feel the negativity that I carry around – enough to drown everybody else with me in the tears that fill open wounds, cut from the grudges I hold.
Or maybe, if I can make them feel just how painful my sorrows have been, they can lend me some pity, and pat me on the back a little more than my father did when I was young, needing it most, trying to develop some confidence around girls, around bullies that taunted “fight back”.
Perhaps even envy, if I work hard enough, get a whole lot of things that other people don’t have.
I could devote myself to making people’s dreams come alive for me and then crush them just to remind the world that it’s dreams are smaller than mine,inferior, and boast that I am favoured by natural selection – possessing even this talent, become pretentious with it, make it colourful and transform myself to a beautiful African peacock, impressing American readers, enchanting beautiful Brits with my wits…
And even still, I could turn the other cheek completely, and love the things of light and pursue the joys of God and love all that is right, and fight for people’s rights – for people’s souls and freedom from the bonds of man and deities alike.
Or maybe I’ll just laugh it all away. Take nothing seriously – myself included – and bask in ignorance, and let everything die a joke – myself included – and ride the waves of time carelessly and call it living. Call it freedom and actually care not what the thinkers make of me.
Yes, I had to ask myself and I’m yet still going to have to ask myself which is the person I’m willing to embrace with my energies of being human being…
And the answer is for me to decide, and not the point of this plot – that is for you to discover when we encounter, or you read some of my blog.