Look, I think…a lot.
I think when I listen. So much so that I stop listening. I am not proud that I stop listening, and therefore, I think while I am thinking that perhaps now I should stop thinking and return to listening.
I think when in a class lecture. This helps me make sense of what I am being taught.
I think also, during the day when I am seated in the shade under the African sun in the backyard. I think again when I am in my room watching videos on YouTube for entertainment. I think as well when I’m watching a movie, so much so that at times I cannot help but throw in my two cents worth of comments throughout. I’d assume that this might sometimes make for unpleasant experiences when you watch movies in my company.
I think and daydream if you’d like to call it that.
I used to think a lot about God. I eventually brought myself to stop some of that because it became just a little too heavy to think about things that are never-ending.
Then I began to drink. And it was good for the first two or three glasses of wine.
I was stealing a moment of peace in my head whereby I was still thinking, but I was a little more separated from my thoughts. It was as if I was no longer doing the thinking, but instead watching along as the movies, lessons, joys and pains played out in my head…but I was not there to really feel them, be them.
Then, eventually the drink becomes a little too much as I indulge like a kid in a candy store. I was now drunk.
I was no longer spectating the thoughts that came out of my mind. I had actually wandered off completely over and above, to Spain perhaps. Or maybe to the beach that I so love, or the mountains where I would one day love to retreat to and live in complete solitude – or even better, with my loving wife and our children only.
And while I wandered, those thoughts ceased being a mere show or movie that was being projected in my head. Those drunken thoughts became me.
And so, while I was away – I guess it would be safe to say – that the thoughts came out to play.
But such is the nature of this world, or life, or experience – that no man is an island by himself. Other humans continued to exist while I was away too.
And it just so happens that these thoughts are often one sided. I was the one who brought thoughts and reason together. I was the one who could dictate which of these were presumably acceptable according to society’s standards.
But remember that I was no longer here. And remember also that other humans can so often push boundaries. And remember that I usually exercise reason to keep a cool head.
But when I drink, I can no longer think.
The rest will be history.