Waking up in dreamland, The land of the truly free and brave, a land of true liberty and virtue. It’s no different than waking up in Johannesburg or Madrid, or even Moscow – I suppose.
In dreamland, simply put, I have just not really fully woke up.
In dreamland, I have the same flaws, still as incompetent, my head is still stuck in the clouds as they will say. However, here, I can still enjoy the little good that I am capable of giving. I may never change the world as I’ve been told I should, or I could – or I may yet still achieve that in time…but I guess the difference is that I still believe that time will let me get there eventually.
Meaningful friendships have shown themselves hard to come by. It could be that I have yet to meet people that make it feel as if I am able to express myself beyond my attempts to tailor my behaviours, thoughts, emotions and inadequacies to suit my surroundings.
It could also be that I have not learnt to suit my behaviours, thought, emotions and inadequacies to suit my surroundings.
Otherwise, the sun brings a lovely heat and I love it when I wake up in time to catch it blazing through the morning breeze, with a warm coffee and a seat to soak it up and explore easier adventures in my head.
At around noon, it often gets a bit too hot and I prefer to find a cooling shade where I can sit with a cup of a colder drink and listen to some music, or engage in some cheap conversations, laughters, or a wandering imagination as I blissfully stare into the horizon.
I pick up a piece of dried grass and pick it apart as I consider the possibility that I may one day realize that I am but a child of the soil of my birth. I think that maybe one day I’ll be able to afford a plot of land on which I’ll be able to grow something new, maybe a potato or some fruit.
But it would be better if I would one day be able to wander away and come across some unowned land by the riverside where I can build me a home, row a boat and catch some fish.
The “if” word can be such a joy when it opens doors to things previously unimagined. But it can also be such a pain when it shows you the many kinds of doors that you are currently on course to never hold the key to.
And fear always creeps in. You could travel far and wide and find a home in a wilderness or forest somewhere out there, but that house needs still to be built, and I never did concern myself with learning how to lay bricks, or make bricks. And even if I did – How will I learn to unlove the conveniences of electricity and security from wild predators and illnesses?
All that doesn’t even matter because the biggest threat and predator of man is man. I can escape the clutches of modern society, the wars of Capitalism and Communism, but I’ll never get away from the criminality that rages in any or every human whom I might encounter even in the most off-the-grid places in this world.
But still, a day in dreamland, I love it there. Because I do not imagine a world without any or all of these evils, I just dream of one where I will be brave enough to hold my own, fight for what I did right, while not hurting myself too much for when I went wrong.