Identity, inspiration, life, life choices, lifestyle, philosophy, reality, self acceptance

Live Your Life like a Movie!

Ah I’m back home and glad to be because I just couldn’t wait to get my hands on my pen – figuratively, because this is the new age and I pick my pen, in all shapes and sizes from this option on my computer screen. Look how much we have developed, from “times are hard” to doing hard time for choosing the wrong words on the wrong comment section during your pass times.

I just wanted to tell you about what we did with my home boys during the weekend. We shot the stars down and lit up the moon with the flames from exhaust fumes that cut through the ozone layer and produced a hole in the system for us to pounce through. Why? Well everyone else is doing it. America did and became the greatest nation of our time. And now is our time, yes our time and we spend it online. So blame it on me if suddenly all the kids are finding ways of keeping up with the demands of this life you gave us, breaking out of your system that keeps us locked up in four-corner walls. Well we have become so accustomed to being stuck in a box, but we prefer to stay in the walls of our homes and hopefully make some money off the internet. At least this way we remain in the comfort of our loved ones with less fake friends and more time to make mistakes and make amends.

I too was once critical. Stuck in an old fashioned mindset that I don’t even know from whence I got it. But now look at me, I’m awake and walk with my eyes open and see that this is exactly how you said it was going to be.  Oh, You didn’t say it? Well then the lady on the television and that one guy who once acted in a Bruce Lee movie said it. And I take it that when you left us at home alone with nothing but the TV for company, you elected all those adults as your representatives, the elected guardians and now I live my life like an action movie, Love like a Romantic Comedy and hope that after doing all the dumb things I’m about to do, I’ll still end up with a happy ending as always…

See, every movie has a Main Character, that Star Player like Messi in Barcelona, and for these guys there’s always a happy ending in waiting. This Main Character might go through some struggles just like the other characters, maybe just as a way of diverting our attention from the fact that He is different and destined for greatness, admiration and ultimately, Survival. Well, that’s who I’m going to be. I’m tired of spending my precious time watching useless YouTube videos, Indulging in insane Hollywood movies and Listening to perfectly pitched Music Videos, No, I’ve made my decision. You asked me what I wanted to be, well I hope you really meant, what “I” want to be…because now I’ve made my decision, I wanna be the star of my own Movie. That is, My Life.

And yes, for every Main Character there is a whole bunch of people that join him on the journey. Some stay for the long run, sometimes even getting lucky enough to share in the success story at the end. And sometimes, the supporting characters are just diversions as I already mentioned, some are just examples and they fail and die away without any sympathy from the viewers nor the producers and directors – clearly.

And well, if my destiny proves to not be attached to me on that victory lap at the end and I find myself being nothing more than a side-act in somebody else’s movie, then let me stop trying to fight for the unfightable, let me stop trying to be something I’m not and just accept my fate and do whatever reckless stunt is expected of me and die my death, in perfect timing, and allow the movie to go on as planned, with me forgotten, left on the floor rotten while Isaac Newton comes only a day later to see another apple fall off from the tree and come up with an epiphany and just as usual, my lack of timing leave my name lost in time as a fading memory…yeah, that’s it…let me pick my stick one more time, until the next time and let’s see what’s mine and what’s not.

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money, peace, poetry, self acceptance

I Love Cheap Thrills!

I’m spoilt for choice really on the type of person I can choose to be in this life. You saw that film about that bloke who had multiple personalities, well I’ve got multiple casualties that have left me with a choice: revenge like a savage or avenge and salvage an entire generation.

I love cheap thrills but such ain’t really cheap because they come from expensive hearts – no let me rephrase that – they come from priceless hearts that aren’t afraid to skip a beat or two and donate love for the sake of our humanity, now that’s humility. In today’s world it’s become a calamity to give up one’s self for the sake of the community.

Quick recap: snap- crackle and POP, that’s memories from my childhood I’m wondering where I went wrong from that innocent youth, I’m going into beast mode…

Sugar, Spice and everything nice, I’m rolling dice in street corners now because I’ve got to get that ice. Blood diamonds light up my brand new watch and I spray imported cologne just to dream of a trip to Germany with all the mindless pretty girls that made the mistake of looking at my glitters and thinking I’d make them rich.

I’d feel bad for them, but they’re better off than all the mindful girls who made the mistake of looking into my sparkling eyes and getting lost in my lies when I promised that I would care beyond this light filled night when really I would never dare to reveal even a peace of my heart just to start, because once I get to that part where I’ve got what I wanted I begin to amaze you by turning my back and running off into the wilderness with no love in my chest, but with your heart in a chest, along with all the other goodies and souvenirs that I keep as trophies – for this one I conquered like this, and that one like that, and these two I stole from here and I threw them there.

I treat these memories as a reminder that this life ain’t fair – if I couldn’t have peace then neither should my enemies. And everybody who got tangled in between has to understand that it was a necessary evil, a work hazard, and if you really where smart enough then you should have seen the warning signs and if you didn’t then you simply weren’t good enough and that’s why you should have encouraged me when I told you that I love cheap thrills, but instead you called me a bore and laughed it all off in my face, testing my patience and misusing my kindness, well tell me now…am I interesting enough? Has my head proven itself worthy of your expensive standards, or do I need to go on and come up with a nice ending for the sake of Art? Well what about my heart, do you think it goes unbruised every time I have to put it through this raging?

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self acceptance, truth, Uncategorized

Truth Hurts.

I couldn’t stand being rejected, so I rejected. I couldn’t bear the weakness, so I suppressed. I couldn’t risk being cheated so I cheated first.

The truth is a tough pill to swallow but it heals the wounds that the eyes cannot see and the flesh prefers not to feel. The lies are so comforting, not taking the pain away but turning me to another direction and wheeling me further away from the pain of having your life-long dreams lying slain in plain sight, all that little boy called “me” wanted to do was board a plane for the first time and fly off to see Spain.

Growing up afraid of the dark and now I’m so dark deep inside where the sun don’t shine, until the day when the devil says “now you’re mine” and doctor’s flashing that light into your intestine concluding your autopsy – “too much wine”, your death is nothing devine and your mama is left to whine over your graduation picture captioned “The world is mine”.

The truth hurts, that means your happiness is a lie and that’s why you’re so offended every time God enters the conversation, telling you that he knows the drill – the devil just wants to kill – and steal – destroy. If you’re looking for some muscle you’ve got to lift some real weights. And if you’re looking for knowledge you’ve got to read some real books – Oh if you’re looking for some joy you’ve got to seek the real you.

The comfort zone is a prison cell, a rotting hell – leave some bread there for a week and you will tell, do the same with some cheese and you could sell. Some billion people out in the world and I chose to live in a shell, I can’t take the criticism but I need their love to fill a “me” museum big enough to rival the colosseum. And if somebody threatens to dent my pride, I’ll run him over and film it for the world to see him.

I told you I’m afraid of rejection so I came up with my own objection of everybody and everything and there was no exception until it became a real obsession which turned out to be a sad reflection – that I’ve become the very thing that I feared and hated and now my childhood dream to change the world is looking outdated and I might not ever get to shout out a loud and proud, err …”Mama I made it!”.

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