human being, Identity, truth

being Human BEING

It’s another beautiful morning and I wake up once again with the same addictions that I went to bed trying to get rid of. I can’t see the end, no. There’s no light in this tunnel, but hey, it’s another day and no matter what has been carried over from the last, I’ve still got life, still got you and your love, what more can one ask for.

I can never say I’m losing my mind because I’ve never really had control. I guess I just spend too much time worrying about my impact. forgetting that I am only one in a billion, neglecting the present, the gift that is today, packaged sincerely for me to be the best human being that I am.

yes. Human being. not Human becoming, nor human been. I can never say I’m losing myself because you will always be what you are being. If I’m lost, then being lost is who I am and I’ll just have to deal with that. You know, they say actions speak much louder than words. The lost can talk about being found, but the found sleep at home every night. That’s being Human being.

I always wonder about life and the fabrics of existence. I don’t want to speak profanely about the structures of the world because they are real and one who lives beyond their boundaries will fall into our rejected bin of outcasts. But I can’t seem to stop thinking about my default position in this life. If I let go of everything and allow myself to free-fall from this place where I’m trying to create something, down to the place that is made for me. The default position, the place where I don’t have to do anything but simply be.

But I don’t know how to act in a drought. So what if I let go and find myself living without? I guess that’s why it’s called default. If I go out of my way to find my default, would it really be my default? Or will it be a position that I chose to find?

Or is it just fear talking? fear taking over my mental now that I find myself in a position to create the life that I’ve been prepared and preparing for all this time? An honest opinion once told me that I worry too much, fearful of failure in this life which I once thought I had at my feet. But now I’ve got my head in the clouds, can’t feel my feet on the ground, so how do I know if I’m still on the path?

I’m crying out to the oppressor, “hey, you missed one. this one didn’t turn into a robot. It’s not content with the cubical, it’s not a political radical, it’s starting to sound a little cynical…” oh snap! I think I should stop there before they start seeing that I’m dysfunctional.

Mr President, it’s been done. Africa has been cleaned up. We managed to get the women thinking and they did the dirty work for us. We educated the African woman our way, empowered her with eyes to see the savagery that is hidden in the lies of the male of her species. It took us many o’ years, but eventually she broke free from his control, reproduction levels decreased, charity for the poor seized to exist, so they were easy to wipe out. It was easy still. The black male is good for nothing, driven only by passion he manged to imprison the woman through her emotions…but that was nothing a little education could not change. For many years the woman has been secretly crying for power, as soon as we gave her that in Africa, nullifying her hormonal need for the male was made easy by job satisfaction, and eventually erased through the granting of power over the savage. It’s only a matter of time until the last of them are gone from the face of the earth. We’ll speed up the process with a little more Hollywood and drug substance availability, we’ll use that very passion against him.

Chris, I saw what you wrote about the African woman. It’s simultaneously saddening and frightening to see that you think like that. Are you trying to say that the empowerment of the African woman will spell the end of the African male? I thought you were much smarter than this. This is the sort of backward thinking that has held our people enslaved by outdated custom and misleading ideologies. I’d advise you to reconsider your position on this matter before you completely discredit yourself as a rational thinking member of society and ultimately end your writing career before it has even begun. Think deeply about it my boy, you have a promising future ahead, don’t let this be the end of it.

I’m sorry Miss Jackson, I am for real. I can’t avoid the zeal that I have for the truth, I’m looking beyond face value, examining the principalities and the cracks in it. You see, growing up I was always told that I was bound for failure. But still I made it through the grades until now I’m almost touching a Law degree. I realise now that I was not meant to make it through the system that was constructed to stop people like me. people like me being the ones they love to label as having fallen through the cracks. Well I was in the cracks but instead of falling, I climbed. Unseen in the mist of the darkness that was foreseen for my future, I made it out. But now I’m looking at the world and it’s time for me to out into the light. It was only when I came out to finally see the sun, and at first glance it hurt me and I realised that I was disillusioned all along.

Why does honesty have to come at such a hefty expense? It’s as if they want us to continuously live in suspense, unknowing the conditions that we are fighting through. Globalisation and urbanisation is our reality in Africa. But look at how many of our men are turning out. An African man has to turn to homosexuality in order to be accepted as less of a threat in this world order. I’m watching the American movies, there is always that one awesome “gay black best friend”. Are they openly trying to advertise to us that we are more useful for society when we play a helping role instead of becoming leaders?

 

 

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light, truth

Truth is Light.

I believe the truth is the light and it shines in all of us. We all have the light and the truth within us. The truth is around us and the evidence macroscopic in the dust.

It’s evident that I have been there if you find my footprints. If you cannot see my steps try to smell my aura. It’s my lack of knowledge that makes it such a horror.

I believe the truth is around us hidden in the mysteries of God the creator. The reason he made me and the progress I make from all suffered transgressions.

The truth is in the science, the study of the laws. The truth is somewhere there in the theories of philosophy. The truth exists in the imagination and fantasy of possibilities. The truth is there in every religion – just trying to thank the one who knows it all.

The truth is revealed to each person at the right time. Sometimes we miss the signs and fall between the lines. The truth is revealed in every reflection bouncing back through the mirrors, we just have to clear the fog to remove the clog.

Everybody has seen some Truth, the easy way or the hard way. Some wrote a map to lead the way and it was followed by those who experienced it similar. It caused division but still the vision exists, because I believe that God the creator holds each of us dearly while trying to make us see clearly that everybody’s eye is teary and it’s our job to make it cheery.

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greed, power, truth

Greedy Power!

Power…Greed…More Power…More!!!!

I need power for security, I need power for continuity, I need power in my community.

Look how much I have to offer to this world, look how much wisdom I possess. This world needs a leader like Me, I can change this world and make it a better place for my people – I can make this world a better place for all people.

Love. My family needs to trust Me, I can get us out of our poverty. My family needs to love Me, otherwise I’ll leave them with nothing in my legacy.

Love. I love this world but this world doesn’t love me. Why doesn’t this world love me when I am so much better than most people? This world needs to love Me, otherwise I’ll leave the world in ashes covered in nothing.

I’m feeling low, falling into nothingness. I need somebody to blame. I blame this whole world for it did not love me. I blame you and him and her and them. I blame Donald Trump, he’s racist. I blame England and her colonies. I blame China – she built a great wall to protect her heart and left me in the cold with cheap cloth that tears, leaving me shivering and in tears.

Nope! I can’t go back to that, so I need power to suppress my oppression. I need power to be amongst the greatest. I need power and she will love Me – I need it all until she has no choice but to beg me.

I need power in my words. More power in my message will get me heard. I’ve been crying in silence, now please hear me out:

It takes a Real Man to cry because he’s come to a point where he understands that there is freedom in the truth. Tears show weakness, but it took a lot of strength to let them out and a lot more to admit that I lacked the responsibility to carry all that power.

It caused a burden on my heart when I could not use it, hoarding it in my greed, until it became heavy on my soul and that was the death of me because I was drawning refusing to let go of the weight so I sank to the point where I drank too much to blur the truth – that made me aggressive and I got caught in a Power-brawl and lost a tooth.

Now you see it in the end – too late. A toothless Man with too much Power but not enough strength to exercise it. It begins to clot in empty promises that leave you dying and the world doesn’t love you, your children don’t know you…“More Time…More!!!” Will be your cries but you’ll be better off Resting because while Alive you had no Peace.

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African, apartheid, south africa, truth

Sounds of Africa

Boom Boom! That’s the sound of the African drum!

Mama and the ladies dance around the fire.

Boom Boom! That’s the sound of the mine!

Daddy and the Men shall go and dig for Diamonds.

Boom Boom! That’s the sound of a bomb!

Brother and the gents decided to exterminate the embassy.

Boom Boom! That’s the sound of the Baas.

If I don’t carry my pass I’ll be good as dead!

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dreams, inspiration, life choices, truth

Follow your dreams

Follow your dreams. You might not take life seriously but life takes itself seriously and she will continue with or without you.

Your words are your dreams. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Countless thoughts rage through my head daily, so impolite they are as the next one doesn’t wait on the last one to end…they pile up – one on top of the other.

At every conversation I partake in a practice of letting them loose, I have to watch my tongue and be careful whom I might insult and keep watch, safeguarding what I promise – I need to practice what I preach.

I’m singing a song about the day and it’s troubles, where are the victories? I’ve left them hidden and chained – at this rate depression is inevitable.

My words are my dreams and we had a conversation the other day, you asked who I wanted to be and what I wish to achieve. I spilled it in fine detail like a work of art because that’s my favourite kind of talk – rambles from fantasies that have no consequences.

Oh but how I was wrong. The Price to pay for every spoken word is the result. If only I had known that the difference between reality and dreams lies hidden in the power of the Will – the action that leads to innovation.

Talk is cheap, the death of the mindless. Wise words bring life, healing and comfort. Wisdom is my insurance, assurance of good judgement – that’s what I seek.

Speak of the devil, the bastard shall appear, in time to devour. Don’t say I didn’t warn you – your words are your dreams.

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self acceptance, truth, Uncategorized

Truth Hurts.

I couldn’t stand being rejected, so I rejected. I couldn’t bear the weakness, so I suppressed. I couldn’t risk being cheated so I cheated first.

The truth is a tough pill to swallow but it heals the wounds that the eyes cannot see and the flesh prefers not to feel. The lies are so comforting, not taking the pain away but turning me to another direction and wheeling me further away from the pain of having your life-long dreams lying slain in plain sight, all that little boy called “me” wanted to do was board a plane for the first time and fly off to see Spain.

Growing up afraid of the dark and now I’m so dark deep inside where the sun don’t shine, until the day when the devil says “now you’re mine” and doctor’s flashing that light into your intestine concluding your autopsy – “too much wine”, your death is nothing devine and your mama is left to whine over your graduation picture captioned “The world is mine”.

The truth hurts, that means your happiness is a lie and that’s why you’re so offended every time God enters the conversation, telling you that he knows the drill – the devil just wants to kill – and steal – destroy. If you’re looking for some muscle you’ve got to lift some real weights. And if you’re looking for knowledge you’ve got to read some real books – Oh if you’re looking for some joy you’ve got to seek the real you.

The comfort zone is a prison cell, a rotting hell – leave some bread there for a week and you will tell, do the same with some cheese and you could sell. Some billion people out in the world and I chose to live in a shell, I can’t take the criticism but I need their love to fill a “me” museum big enough to rival the colosseum. And if somebody threatens to dent my pride, I’ll run him over and film it for the world to see him.

I told you I’m afraid of rejection so I came up with my own objection of everybody and everything and there was no exception until it became a real obsession which turned out to be a sad reflection – that I’ve become the very thing that I feared and hated and now my childhood dream to change the world is looking outdated and I might not ever get to shout out a loud and proud, err …”Mama I made it!”.

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