distance, Friendship, Love, miss you, Relationships

Distance Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

They say Distance makes the heart grow fonder. I guess that’s an obvious result of all the time that we spend in wonder. Because now that you’re away, all I do is ponder, I can’t clear my mind from the thoughts of you, the memories and the fears that continuously rain into my head causing a stormy thunder. I miss you.


It took me a while to stop fighting the fact within myself that I’m missing you. It’s only been a day without you, but a day without my best friend, the person I spend everyday with is more than I can handle at this moment in time.

I remember you were on your phone and I was on mine. We were not even talking but your presence was warm enough. You turned and let it out, “You’ll miss me when the year ends and we go our separate ways.”     And yet the danger didn’t quite register, that we live practically on opposite ends of the country, because we still continued to live as if tomorrow would never come.


Five Things I Hate About Missing Someone Special:

1. My Own Insecurities

I guess I have to start with my own insecurities because most of my problems come from the fact that I overthink too much. I create scenarios in my head, like what if you bump into so-and-so and go out on a wild night and end up doing something that could leave my heart broken?

I create so many fictional scenarios, but the biggest problem is the fact that whenever the thought is bad, it always seems much realer than my good thoughts. Ouch!

And after reconsideration of the first point, I’ve realized that I won’t actually be sharing FIVE THINGS I HATE ABOUT MISSING SOMEONE SPECIAL , instead I will share One thing – which is my Insecurities, and then the other four will be examples of the insecurities. Let’s go!

2. What’s going on in your head?

So I’ve already mentioned what happens in my head when I’m missing you. Now I’m left here wondering, Are you also missing me the same way I miss you? I wonder if you are having fun doing all the things you do with your family and friends back home. Obviously I want you to have a great time, but I just wish somewhere in there you spare some time to think of me.

I hope you’re also holding yourself back from clicking my number on the phone and calling me for the third time today. Well, I already clicked the button, took me straight to voicemail, so I hope the first thing you do when you see my missed call is get back to me and break me out of this craze of uncertainty.

3. Who’s texting you trying to “catch up”?

You’ve been out of the city and away at University, far from home, far from all your friends that you left behind and all the others who chose different paths. But now is that time of the year, everybody is back home for the festive season. There’s going to be a lot of high school reunions, especially with the way you loved your days in School.

And I know how guys think. Someone is going to look at you and see how much you have grown and how beautiful you’ve become. So I just hope you will be able to tell the difference from the wolves and the sheep, even if they suddenly seem to wear the same clothing.

I’m even starting to think about those nerdy dudes that you had little crushes on back in primary school. What if they rock up and take you back to memories that I cannot compete with, get you lost and naive, and then you make mistakes that leave me weak?

4. What if the journey proves too long?

I once dated a beautiful girl who lived in another city, so we did the whole Long-Distance relationship thing. At the time I trusted much easier because I focused my trust on me and her. But I remember someone once asked me, “Dude, your girlfriend is so hot, she gets asked out by multiple times daily…What are the odds that in a year of 365 days, she will say NO each and everyday?”     haha, at the time I didn’t let it affect me. But after a confusing Break up which I did not see coming, I started to suspect that somebody had planted a bad seed in my beautiful garden, or worse, had eaten from it.

And so that is one of the many things that linger in my mind today, What if you just cannot hold on to the promise that we will get back to each other soon? I learnt not to lean too much on yesterday’s victories because today’s problems attack today’s mindset, so I hope you’ll still be strong enough to endure the temptations.

5. What if you start to see how imperfect I am?

I’m so far from perfect but you treat me like I’m one in a million. I’m so far from perfect and I’m scared that you might actually start seeing it by looking at the previous four points above. Does it make me look emotionally weak? does it make me less of a man?

I take comfort in these fears from a song by the singer Passenger, the lyrics claim, “They say fear is for the brave – The cowards never stare it in the eye”…And I hate to expose you here, but you did say that his music bored you when I payed it for us, so maybe you will also think his views on bravery are just as skewed.

And what about my many other flaws? you might start to see them clearer now that you have stepped out of the box a little. Now that you are out of the smoke room, you might be able to smell the fire and slowly start to lose your desire for this thing that we have, and maybe even acquire a taste of a different kind of guy dressed some flashy attire…



Author’s Perspective

Thank you for stopping by to read this Post on “Distance makes the heart grow fonder”. As you can see, I’ve adopted here, the view that this “fondness” comes from fear. I am pretty sure that I will learn more on this when the time is due. But right now, I think TRUST is all that I would have to apply to deal with these insecurities and fears. What do you think? Please find the comment button if you have some advice or reaction. Thank you.

 

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Friendship, Love, Relationships

Love is not Enough

Love is stronger than most, when I’m lost, getting back to you is the force behind my motive. Love reminds me that I’ve got to get in motion, to get back to you in order to overcome the constant, almost torturing thoughts of you that beautifully and frighteningly torment me from the inside-out.

And it’s this beautiful fear that makes me say that love is not enough. You know how my thoughts love to wander, you’ve heard how my tongue sometimes stutters, and you’ve seen how my eyes uncontrollably linger in places that they probably shouldn’t. And what about my fingers, my hands just want to hold on to anything that presents itself as an opportunity…no, love is not enough.

Everything is an art. Science is an art, and art is a science. Nothing is just, and that’s because everything needs understanding. And how can you understand something? Well, you have to put the pieces together if you want that.

And that’s why love is not enough. Love is just another piece in the puzzle. Love is probably the biggest and most important, and don’t forget, rarest piece in the puzzle. Love is not enough because one day I’m not going to be around to hold your hand and make you feel safe in my arms. My presence won’t be around in every moment to keep the predators away. I’m not always going to be near to keep your emotions intact. And sadly, I’m not always going to be there to play along with your fantasies and make you believe that you and I can really take on this big old world together. no.

And when I’m gone, I am going to need to know that I am not forsaken. You know I always need to know that I’m not being taken for granted. I’m going to need to trust that your loyalty was not simply being paid for by the convenience of my availability. And you will also need that trust. That when I’m gone, no matter the miles ahead, nor the time in between will prove too tempting when I begin to run empty on the memories of your comforting smile and all the beautiful things you do unintentionally, effortlessly and unknowing that those are the things that keep me running back to you before nightfall each day.

Yes, the things that you do unintentionally. I’m talking about all the little sacrifices that go a long way at filling the gaps in one another that make us feel so much stronger when we are together. The way you always choose the kind route when I’m so fixed on being right, and whatever it is that I do that carries you through the tears of a stressful day. I’m telling you, love is not enough.

Patience in my times of worry, humility over your pride, these are the things we need to carry in every stride. Jealousy is cute when it shows that you care, but you always show gratitude for my littlest efforts. I swear these things give me comfort. Confront me when I have wronged you even just a little, because communication once saved a nation I tell you. Silly jokes and tickles to remind us of our youth, let’s just enjoy all of these and friendship because love is not enough.

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Love, Relationships

Mend a broken love.

How do you mend a broken axle? We’ve been stuck here on the side of the road trying to pump some life back into our love, But it all seems so futile when you’ve got so many holes that I cannot see and you remain silent – not even a tear when I touch you here or there – it’s like you feel no pain, but I need to know if I should try again.

How do you mend a broken axle? We thought this love would be a walk in the park, but it’s been three years now and we’ve been dogs barking at the wrong trees. You’ve been sitting in your comfort zone throwing tantrums, but now that the gates are open you’re afraid to come out to fight for your love.

And me, I’ve been here thinking and sinking in my messy room but somehow I manage to keep my head above the clutter long enough to see your mistakes, still while drowning in mine – I’m failing to see how fast I’m falling – I’d be lucky if I could make it out crawling.

How do you mend a broken axle? In the car boot, next to the spare tyre, that’s where I left the first aid kit. Maybe if we can patch things up quickly we can still make it in time to see the sunrise on the east coast. We had such high hopes when we decided to run away and escape the concrete jungle…but we ran straight into the wilderness of this thing called Love.

And now you don’t have your mother or your girlfriends to call every time I call a fight out of something small, and make you feel small – everybody could see it back then, but now everybody is no longer a valid excuse – can we still say the world is against us while we’re alone in the wilderness? We only got here in the summer, I hope we make it until the fall.

So how do you mend a broken axle? I’m tired of numbing the pain because it always comes back. I’m so over going around the same circles. Let’s grab this thing by the horns and deal with it together, no more games and throwing blames.

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Friendship, life choices, Love, money, Relationships, Uncategorized

Alone with Money

He could not take it anymore, the pressure and the waiting. How was he supposed to know that the money and the women would never satisfy a brewing death from within?

A big man on the brink of Obesity and his Soul is starving. Every night he does not know why his Rover isn’t enough. It’s big enough but there isn’t room for it on the road to the afterlife.

How can you blame her for thinking so smart? She’s hungry, going to bed on an empty stomach is no fitness routine. So she took this precious beauty and hung out it with a price…at least now she can see it’s value – it’s put some food in her mouth.

“I’m doing what I have to do” is what he’ll tell you. “I can’t afford to play around while accumulating these debts, I’ll get this degree just before I get rich and then I’ll take all my boys out and we’ll celebrate by the beach” – but how was he supposed to know that thinking for the future could cost him the gift that was the present and now the boys are no more, they’ve moved on with their wives…

And now you’ve got an old man chasing around young girls trying to make up for his wasted days of youth. But his body is not the same now, the alcohol doesn’t go down as it used to – now lying on a hospital bed with nobody by his side…

How was he supposed to know that he needed somebody that would care to be there? How was he supposed to know he needed somebody for better or for worse?

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Love, Relationships, secrets, Short Story, Uncategorized

Loveless Love Letters

Dear Dorothy

Is it your comforting touch, your cheering laugh or your tight squeezing hugs that’s got me missing you? Or maybe it’s just my regrets, of the pain I caused you that has got me thinking so deeply.

I remember how your big eyes used to light up when we were together. You would smile as you lay your head on my shoulder telling me about your friends, the real ones and the fake. You thought I was one of the real ones and set no boundaries for what you could say next, you just said it all and I was all ears all the time.

I, however, could not even begin to tell you what was on my mind. It wasn’t you… maybe it was what we were doing together but looking back at it now, I did not really have your best interests at heart. You are Beautiful, always have and always will be. But I took that beauty for granted – I had somebody else.

Yes, it’s by time I confessed. My heart has always belonged to Diane. I lied and told you I was getting tired of her, but every night I rested in her arms and had no trouble falling into peaceful slumber.

I kept you hopeful – of a time when you and I would pack only our favourite clothes and note books and run away together. We said we would leave it all behind, the money, careers and past lovers…but in truth that was all just a dream, a youthful fantasy – it was never going to happen.

Diane has gone back home to care for her young siblings while her ill mother is in and out of hospital, and although I should be worried for her and their family’s pain – I am now missing you. Maybe this is just a lonely man trying to satisfy fleshly urges, or maybe this is our time Dorothy – maybe we could set sail with those dreams we once buried.

I’ve always loved how you composed your poems, although I have never been able to produce words under such a rhyming pressure and for sure I never will have the pleasure. But still you loved my short stories and we said that together we would take over the world of free-lance literature.

I heard some birds singing a song about how you had found a new love, but you and I both know that he is just trying to fill up my old boots. What we had, no – what we have is real, a true connection you know – chemistry. I will come by real soon to take back what is rightfully mine.

Until I come my love, do prepare some poems for me…I’ve got so many apologies to sing to you, and some ice-cream too. We can sit through the sunset on your porch as we let our words do the talking. It will be like old times. It will be a Grand time.

Sincerely yours.

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Love, marriage, Relationships, Short Story, Uncategorized

First Place

“Are you an Athlete? Because Darling you’ve been running up and down in my head all day long.”

This morning I stayed an extra minute in bed reminiscing about the winter, thinking about the nights we stayed warm by the fire that burned much like my young heart burns for yours. It was a time when all I needed was your smile to ignite endless thoughts about everything we could yet become.

At noon I got lost in wander, daydreaming about our future – we kept our promise to love each other forever to set an example for our children and our peers, an example that True love never dies. As pentioners we spend the sun on our porch by the sea-side until the moon comes around to lead us quietly into peaceful slumber.

In the evening…well here I am writing this post about you.

It’s so sad that there is no such thing as the “Girlfriend olympics” because I know you’d be a shoe in to win the Gold my love…they probably know that and maybe that’s why they don’t have them. But you’re in a league of your own – they would have to create a Platinum medal for you my sweetheart.

Ahhh but some might confuse Platinum for silver…

Which actually gets me thinking. Maybe that is why a man buys his Wife a Diamond Ring when they get married. Maybe it’s his way of letting her know that she has won the race to his heart.

If that’s the case then you my love deserve the brightest Diamond on this Earth. You haven’t just won the race to my heart – you saved my heart from the track to darkness.

I used to run the race of death and I was winning. You came and you taught me how to Love. Each day we spend in this Love is a learning experience on how to care for another person more than we do for ourselves. You challenge me to be a better person with every passing conversation and encourage me to actually trust less in my pride and more in loyalty and faithfulness. Today I am able to Blog about the Love I know and it’s all thanks to everything I’ve learnt from you…I write quite an inspired thesis online but it’s you who suffers when my trials turn to error…

With that being said, I should probably admit that you never actually had any competition to my heart… I’ll still get you your Diamond Medal one day though. But until then, you should probably get some rest from all this running – I hope you kept my heart somewhere safe.

*Dedicated*

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giving, Love, Relationships, south africa, Uncategorized

Giving Love over Using Love.

“Love makes the world go round”, what a lovely quote with a powerful hint hidden within. Love was never made for any one person to own, instead, Love was intended to be shared freely amongst all mankind.

It’s sad to say that I can only imagine a world where my neighbour’s pain is my pain – my gain is my brother’s gain. A world where the love I received from my parents compels me to empathise with the orphans on the street corners. A world where my enemies burn with shame everytime they see my smile igniting joy on a stranger’s face.

Truth be told, we don’t give love but we are quick to take it. We don’t show mercy to the motorist who cuts us off when we’re rushing to work in the morning, yet we are quick to remind the traffic cop at noon that he should take it easy on us.

Ask yourself how have we got to this place where to Love shows weakness, yet the Authors of old say Love is most powerful. We manipulate the “weak” Who love us and turn “savage” into a trend. We take pride in being miserable and lonely all because it isn’t cool to greet a neighbour anymore.

It all feels to me like a world up-side-down. Nobody finds pleasure in doing good and those who do are made to feel weird for it. A man cannot speak about Love today, I wonder what occupies his heart.

The more I write about Love the more I realise that you can only measure how much love you have by the number of hearts you’ve touched. And much like fighting fire with fire, You can only touch a heart if you give a little of your own first.

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Love, Relationships, Uncategorized

KNOWING YOUR IDENTITY WILL ENABLE YOU TO LOVE

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.”

It is important to know yourself before you can love another. It is important to trust yourself before you can put your trust in someone else’s hands. When you begin to love someone, make sure you are not seeking somebody who is going to make you feel special.

To love love someone means that you are willing to make the other person feel special. You are not supposed to set the standard for the kind of love you should receive in return.

It is much better to love, sit back, and let the other person decide what value they will place on you and the love that you give them. Imagine picking out your own birthday present every year😟…

That is why it’s important to know your Identity so that you don’t run around trying to Love Yourself through another person.

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Love, Relationships

Free Love.

“Be careful the depth in which you love. Because that could be the depth of your heart break”

How can I say I truly love a person if I do not give them all of my love? Love is a healer, not a killer.

When you claim to have found a person who you love, you need to be talking about that very special person who makes you feel safe, you have to be speaking about that person that you can finally trust, and you need to be talking about the person who takes your heart away and doesn’t allow you to give him/her your love in installments

This is a kind of Love without Conditions. Of course there’s fear of the unknown, we are too often afraid that if we make ourselves vulnerable to the one we Love, they might take us for granted and crush us.

But the darkness can only be eliminated when there is light. If you love someone you have to be willing to walk into that person’s darkest corners of his heart. Your love will be your lamp and you will explore the hidden treasures of your loved one’s soul.

Be careful the depth you love – it could be the difference between a continued Life without Love and trust, or a Life forever transformed because of the Love one person has for another.

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Love, Relationships, Uncategorized

Are you the Right person for the Love you seek?

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. Now as a man I have left my childhood ways behind me.-

Are you still thinking of Love with the Childhood mindset?

Love is not a fairytale. We have grown up thinking that we will one day meet “The Right” person, get married, have kids and do all the wildest things and live happily ever after.

If you are still looking for this kind of love, STOP!
The truth is that you are not going to meet the right person. But you may meet somebody who could make themselves the right person. The only Catch with this is that you are also going to have to make some changes.

Before you say you want the right person. You have to ask yourself, “Am I the person that the person I am looking for is looking for?”
Are you the right person for the person you want to be with? If you are not then you have to start working on yourself to become that person.

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